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Wednesday, March 23, 2011

What a nerve!

This insidious condition really has a nerve! I don't have to do anything much or anything special and I end up in a catastrophic mess. I am loathed to use the word Tsunami given the atrocities in Japan, but there really is a Tsunami effect going on in my body which causes an almighty wave of pain and fatigue virtually body-wide.

The signs of the fatigue (the prelude):
  • Feeling "tired" and unable to wake up in the mornings - even if sleep has been relatively good
  • Brain getting foggy, things harder to remember and learn
  • Body aching - in a mild capacity
  • Alignment potentially less stable - K had asked me to observe myself daily to see at a snapshot what might not look so acceptable to her. This time it was neck and shoulders 
I came home from a long day, going somewhere unfamiliar and then having a long meeting. Had sandwiches for lunch which is a disaster from my point of view as they make me very sleepy. I opted not to dance as was feeling increasingly exhausted and the battery was definitely on "empty"

I got home from work and discovered something I needed to rectify, and reacted irrationally to something that was not that difficult to change really - I was just far too tired to deal with it.

I then went and did my physiotherapy exercises and decided to factor in some spinal roll downs paying particular attention to my neck and thoracic spine. My abdominals felt fatigued, but I pushed myself on. I was going to do the exercises regardless.

On top of this, I was hungry, but too tired to cook much, and what I did cook in the end, I burnt (an omlette).

I watched some TV, had a bath and was in bed by 8pm. I decided to put two Bowen moves into my body because I knew that I needed an emotional release, but didn't bank for what actually happened.

Two Bowen moves caused me to cry for a good 5 minutes. This was an essential release and I felt much calmer after this had taken place. My body then started to spasm randomly and holistically, particularly to the left. T-spine was particularly involved, but also neck. A good 30 minutes later this was still going on and I started to make the most peculiar very high-pitched sounds which also went on for some-time (approx 10-15 minutes) and have left me a constricted throat and it is now difficult to swallow. I terminated the Bowen session after what was probably 40 minutes. I had imagined K and N being in the room so I was not alone in what happened (essential with Mind Body Bowen). I am still working out the conclusion, if any, to this story. The spasming went on all night, albeit very gently, and I ended up in severe fibromyalgic pain. I think that would have happened as the fatigue was already hitting by the time I went to bed - the Bowen brought everything to a head in a very dramatic fashion. There are still undisputed traumas held in my body that need urgent resolve at the appropriate time. I had not planned for this to happen, but it did. The next time I attempt this I will ensure that N is about because I need a conclusion to this or any other 'trauma release' story. At any rate this episode reminds me of the power of Bowen and why less is more is crucial.

It is difficult to say whether I would have ended up being severely fibromyalgic, in global wide-spread pain and fatigued the next day, and I strongly suspect this would have been the case. Bowen bought everything to a head. I had to take further Diazepam in the morning and codeine in order to relieve my pain. I slept from c5am - 10.30am (intermittently). It is a beautiful sunny day and I thought I would take a walk, but getting to the end of my road nearly killed me and the trip on the bus to the local shops almost finished me off. My neck, shoulders, hands and TMJ are incredibly painful. I can hardly open my mouth. I have a splitting headache and nausea on top of the fatigue and pain and I can no longer nod my head which is a bad sign. K has kindly agreed to see me tomorrow, and I have tried to manage as best possible using my new Crisis Management Plan.

Anyway, I think my body has a nerve - but the smallest things have the greatest implications for me building up to a full-blown Tsunami. If the body truly prioritises, as Bowen Therapists, we suggest, then mine is bringing me down. I am totally exhausted, and I am ending here.

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