Friday 23 January
I had my first ballet class following the events of yesterday. I was so excited to go to class that I woke up in the early hours of the morning, then fell into a deep sleep just before my alarm clock went off. Annoying!
I didn’t have an opportunity to speak to N before class started, so just decided it would be good to do barre as normal and then speak to her. Throughout class my legs felt different. My knees are all wobbly where they have been forced into a position for years and years and years. Because of being ‘wobbly’ I didn’t always feel entirely on my leg, but in lots of ways things felt a lot easier and more relaxed than ever before. I didn’t have to fight against my body, and balances on the demi-pointe were easier and less stressful, as I didn’t have to fight to balance my weight. Since this is my first class with my knees behaving freely, it felt almost like learning again – and in some ways I am; since I am re-educating my body to work in a new way.
At the end of the barre work, N called me over. She said that she noticed my legs were looking a lot straighter. The same teacher has spent a large amount of the last Friday ballet class at my feet, trying to keep me out of hyperextension. I told her what had happened to me in Feldenkrais yesterday, and we both mutually hoped it would “hold”.
In the centre, things felt different again – I felt my calves were less tight and knotted than normal, and everything felt more fluid. I just felt more relaxed in myself, but also a bit uncertain. I need to learn to trust my body in this new state, and accept how good the relaxation feels in my legs. Hopefully this will follow on through the upper body also, in due course. I am just so thrilled to feel how a “normal” dancer feels. The only snag is that I might lose some of my extension in higher lines such as grand battement and arabesque. My legs were tired after class, but not in a negative way.
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