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Monday, November 2, 2009

Update

The trouble when one is injured is that the longer the injury remains, the more biomechanical compensations end up being made. Something that started as a sharp pain in my right hip is now creating pain in my left knee and heel and calf and my back as I make negotations in avoiding too much weight transference onto the right hip. Classical fifth position is incredibly painful - so adduction and extension movements in the hip are causing the most pain, and yet I still continue to dance!! At one level this is probably crazy, but it is very difficult for me to stop doing something I want to do and so I am either taking lots of painkillers or gritting my teeth through the most painful moments. Strangely my teacher does not seem to have noticed - but I am sure my compensations must be becoming obvious because I have now been limping slightly for weeks. At the moment my greatest concern is that this pain is in serious danger of becoming chronic since I have now had it for about 8 weeks. Chronic pain is classified in instances lasting for a duration of more than 3 months. Interestingly you might wonder why I am not resting totally - well I did and it made the pain even worse. It seems that heads and tails I lose.

I am seeing K again and would like to know if she is able to make a better diagnosis of what is going on. I would really like to solve the problem because I am not far off from struggling to walk and yet I will still try and dance just because I want to and because I am so terrified of losing my muscle tone. At the moment I am feeling acutely depressed after each and any movement classes I take but feel trapped. Painkillers are no longer doing much and sharing a room with someone at the IADMS conference made me realise how bad my sleeping is and of course this is not helping the healing process. My neck is also so stiff I can hardly turn it at the moment. I think that also relates to the hip and compensation patterns. It is so hard being in pain and people don't believe me because I put lots of effort into things. I did a ballet class at the IADMS conference and at the end of the day the teacher came up to me and said I did a really great class. I was utterly shocked as I thought I had done a terrible class. He said he loved my energy and the fact my t-shirt was soaked and that I had put everything into it. This is just me. I look happy a lot of the time. I smile. I get on with things. I look normal and healthy. Apparently.

I have spent several days learning lots more about hypermobility and exercises - but at the moment I am feeling that my need for support is more about pain management and emotional management since I am feeling on the edge of tears and can't face the fact I might have to stop dancing. Again.

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