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Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Shoulder alignment - changed!

I am as high as a kite today - is this just because it is sunny, is it a flood of dopamine or something else...? I have an amazing amount of energy today (for me) and can't concentrate at all which is nuisance as I should be doing some book-writing or research. Perhaps I will just go for a long walk in the park!

Following yesterday's physiotherapy session, I have woken up this morning to find my shoulders (particularly right) are in a different place.... Of course they are not really - but what has happened is that the whole shoulder girdle has opened out and my arms hang by my side and not in front. My chest has opened out, which is what shocked me when I looked in the mirror this morning. I had a chest! Then I remembered something which made me feel very sad, but it explains a whole re-patterning and how I "hid" my chest.

When I was going through adolescence, I remembered a ballet teacher who made a comment about my chest - something along the lines of 'where did they 'spring' from?' (pointing to my breasts) and then 'you are quite a big girl (which actually I am not at all - maybe in the ballet world though...) and you now need to keep your weight right forwards' I think there were other comments. What I realise is that I probably started to alter my posture in order to hide my breasts, and keeping my shoulder rounded and forwards was a good way to do this. I am sure this is not entirely the only reason, and there maybe other physiological reasons, but the psychological impact of those comments must have hit me very hard . Already deeply ashamed of my body by this time (for a myriad of other reasons), growing breasts was just another major insult. Then they wonder why teenage girls suffer or that dancers develop eating disorders and body dysmorphia.

I have hidden behind my body for so long that it is painful. After all the work that K has done with me I now have a really nice figure and I have a lovely waist line. It is now time to embrace the rest of me. My self-confidence is still a big work in progress, but I am keeping my shoulders back from now on and any ballet teacher who doesn't like my shape had better watch out!

For good measure I also decided to do a peak flow reading. My usual peak flow reading is about 425. It has now gone up to 500.....!

Finally, I wonder what else K might have triggered yesterday because my bladder is very active and I have passed urine in excess of ten times this morning. I have not drunk anything different to normal and don't have any UTI. I think I am going to need her to address this issue in due course.

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