Today I feel much calmer in myself and completely 'connected'. I have got normal neck flexion, no dizziness, no pain, no headaches, no temperature or pulse rate changes. My head looks straight and not rotated or in lateral flexion. Only K would be able to verify the change so will see if she notices. I will obviously have to see if this holds for at least a week with no repercussions, but if so, it could explain why physiotherapy had not ultimately managed to rehabilitate this aspect of my neck. I am hopeful this could be the final end of the matter."Last night I was feeling very anxious and couldn't sleep. I decided to do MBB on me. Did Moves 1 and 2 and not "very much" happened, so thought it was going to be a very quiet session (sometimes I fall asleep). After moves 3 and 4 it all kicked off. Left hand was flapping about. left little finger very twitchy. Spasms on left side of the body, particularly in T-spine. I was often either breathing very deeply, very fast, or not at all! Pulse rate was fast. Eyes fixated and staring. This must have gone on for about half an hour, and I then moved slightly and was then at an odd angle. Right little finger was twitching, but spasms on left continued and I started making strange sounds. As I was being pulled further around to the right, so left pulled around, I started breathing more strangely again, with deep breaths, fast breathing, or none. I was making more strange noises as if gasping. Then, I felt a huge pull around my left neck and was completely gasping. I was choking and being strangled. This happened twice. I was very scared (in myself at the time), but managed to free myself and pull myself away. I was trying to get my hand to move the object. The realisation was immediate and obvious. The umbilcal cord was caught around my windpipe and left side of my neck. I managed to move it myself (possibly hence the hand flapping). I was near to death twice. My neck feels sore (SCM) but I was going through this whole thing for about an hour. There is no doubt in my mind what I went through. I am sitting here now having no problem doing forward flexion. If I am right about what I have experienced and document, it might mean that things improve."
People like Peter Levine have done substantial work on trauma release and PTSD and so I am hopeful that with some further help from Anne and Margaret in Australia, I will be able to document this in my new book with some rational explanation of how and why this happened.
Looks like the fact I almost died twice during my birth has contributed ongoingly to held trauma. If I have really successfully released this my life should now dramatically improve. I managed another jog this morning and I have been able to re-create a new blurb for my new book. Onwards and upwards!